Just When you Thought it was Safe to be Drunk on a Barstool...

Driving under the Influence is a fascinating subject. No matter how hard our legislators try to define the acts that are illegal and merit punishment, there is always a guy who wants to figure out a new way to test the limits. Kile Wygle, for example has constructed a magnificent new contraption consisting of a bar stool that is motorized by a lawn mower engine.

Unfortunately, he recently fell off his bar stool, apparently while driving it around his Ohio neighborhood. Sadly, this is also an example of someone talking himself into a DUI. According to the police report, Kile made a number of statements to the police officer investigating the crash, stating that he had been driving the stool, that he had not consumed any drinks since the accident, and stating that he had consumed approximately 15 beers before wrecking the bar stool.

This story emphasizes a classic lesson for anyone who is ever questioned by the police. Don't say anything. Show them your identification and don't say another word. Without Mr. Wygle's admissions, it might be very difficult for the prosecution to prove that he was the driver, that he had been drinking, or that any subsequent BAC wasn't tainted by post-driving consumption of alcohol. I once had a client who I helped get off a DUI charge after he ran his truck into a ditch. According to the officer, he was too intoxicated to answer questions about when the accident took place or whether he drank more after the wreck.

Would this act of buzzed barstoolery count as a DUI in Virginia? Probably. The General Assembly has been tightening loopholes in the DUI statutes for decades. Until 2005, a moped was not considered a motor vehicle and could not support a DUI. But the Virginia Statute on Drunk Driving specifically includes motor vehicles, defined as "every vehicle as defined in this section that is self-propelled or designed for self-propulsion except as otherwise provided in this title", and it specifically excludes "any device herein defined as a bicycle, electric personal assistive mobility device, electric power-assisted bicycle, or moped shall be deemed not to be a motor vehicle." Note: yes mopeds are included, but that is specific to the definition of DUI in §18.2-266.

We then must determine whether this contraption is a "bicycle, electric personal assistive mobility device," or an "electric power-assisted bicycle". Bicycle is defined as "propelled solely by human power", so that is out. I wonder if it would count if a human used a hand crank to charge a battery while sober, and then... nah - maybe in California, but not in Virginia. What about an "electric personal assistive mobility device"? Nope - this is electrically powered, and from the "self-balancing two-nontandem-wheeled device" language, I'm pretty sure they're talking about a Segway.

Would it be legal to operate a Segway while under the influence? I recommend you not try, and it is specifically re-defined as a "vehicle" (not a "motor vehicle", mind you), when operated on a public highway. I would imagine this includes crossing the street. Don't tempt the Virginia Court of Appeals. Then there is the "electric power-assisted bicycle". Sadly, the barstool fails here as well, for lack of pedals and an electric motor, not to mention the troublesome fourth wheel. It seems then that Virginia is just as adept at statutory inclusion of unusual vehicles as Ohio. Best of luck to Kile - maybe you should construct your next vehicle with the Ohio statutes in mind?